Confused

I dont know how to begin โ€ฆlast week was pretty hard on me, i couldn’t think of anything else than my marriage. I thought if I could convience my dad then everything will be alright. Actually I thought I would be happy after all โ€ฆ But I wasn’t . I wasn’t happy but scared , afraid of starting something new coz I’ve been doing the same shit (sorry for the language ) for a long time , picking up the parts my parents left or just trying to survive , taking up all those unnecessary responsibilities which I should’ve ignored but couldn’t. I don’t know what am I doing now . I’ve always wanted to make my place in this world . I never wanted to get marry but now look at me I’m the first one to get marry among my friends. It’s just doesn’t seem right. I’m confused with my own decisions .. apart from the fact that i love him , I’m not sure if I’m ready to start a family or even i could or not manage a family . I don’t know โ€ฆ I wanted to become a journalist , then i wanted to become a civil servant , but none of it’s gonna happen . I wanted to be remembered by the world but looks like that too is in the shadowsโ€ฆI’ve to leave everything behind so that I can start afresh . Or i hope .

This year’s coronam

This onam is full of realisations – we’ve realised the value of family and togetherness, the importance of staying @ home and how we can benefit from social distancing. Remembering the 2018-kerala flood which looted us our onam celebration, once again celebrated the onam with an uninvited guest ( covid19 ) with masks and social distancing. It’s the hope and trust for 2021 that keeps us going or maybe a view that we can have our Xmas back and by that time any country would be able to find out a possible vaccine, it’s this possitivity that poured from the government’s and healthcare units keeps us going.

Dissimilarities

Last week I had a serious surgery. I’ve been suffering from a breast lump and last Friday was the operation . Well after two days rest today I was discharged from hospital. You may wondering why I’m talking about it..

well .. the reason is that , my actual home town is in Muvattupuzha but my surgery was in a city hospital in Ernakulam which is far away from my home. Even if I have many relatives there , I decided to go back to home. All those dusty , mosquito nights forced me to take that decision . Anyway , this morning me and my mom took a bus to Muvattupuzha from ekm and the bus was full of people . I was afraid if any older people come to me to ask my seat fortunately that didn’t happen.( I’m not that hard ok ๐Ÿ˜ฆ . It’s just the surgery was under my right shoulder and still I was in a lot of pain ). So , after reaching Muvattupuzha town we took another bus to our hometown which is in a Rural area of mvpa . I was very happy at first coz we got one full seat so we could sit together. After few minutes a woman with a small child got into the bus and there was no seat left . Suddenly I heard someone murmuring ( about me๐Ÿ’ of course ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ) ” look at that kid she’s not giving up her seat , where is the conductor .. she should’ve given that seat to that poor lady with child “…. And so on … ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…. OMG. I don’t understand why these people are like this .. there were so many other young women sitting but they chose me to blame . They don’t even know me, they don’t know what my situation is and still they’re being so judgmental. And that’s when I thought about this dissimilarity. Always the younger ones blamed for not being good enough , for not giving up.. but why ..? I love to help people and i don’t have any problem with that but sometimes it’s just off the limits.

New year resolutions

Everyone is so busy with making their new year resolutions and all .I don’t believe in that thing anymore coz last year I had some and I spoiled them all. So, instead of making false promises to myself I thought this year I would ask some questions . It’s not just for one day so it must be worth it and then ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ I made these questions ..

What can I change to trust myself more..?

What can I change to believe in myself more..?

What can I change to invest in myself more…?

What do I need to learn to become better for me..?

And I think this would help me in my behaviour , to get rid of my past , to become more good for me and others. Well ๐Ÿ’ my new year resolution is good to go , only if I could repeat this this whole year.๐Ÿ˜‰

In between

Sometimes people think it’s too easy to live here and for some it’s hard but I think I’m in the middle of that . Nowhere near hard and nowhere near that easy. For a long time I was seeking the so-called perfect life but here at this moment I know that happiness isn’t something that we get from outside or a person it’s something that we build within..within ourselves .so far so good my quest for the perfect life have ended and maybe it’s for good. I think I’ve had some bad thoughts and misunderstandings untill I figured that life isn’t always that easy and it’s not that hard and in the middle comes the perfect moment . You just gotta accept it and yeah for sure it’s not that easy . At least it wasn’t for me. Someone told me that there’s something good in my story or maybe but I’m not looking for the good anymore and thanks to him in writing again..

I’m having suicidal thoughts now. I don’t want to live in this world . Whenever my mom looks at me she had this hate in her eyes and she sees me as her biggest enemy . I don’t understand what did I wrong . There’s no one here that makes me live. I just want to die . Hope no one reads this .

Tweet from TOI India (@TOIIndiaNews)

TOI India (@TOIIndiaNews) Tweeted:
India to become $5 trillion economy by 2024: Amit Shah https://t.co/UXX8PhlpjX https://twitter.com/TOIIndiaNews/status/1200820582851342336?s=20

Before election – within two years all of the corrupted money from people will return to their accounts . All you need to do is just link your adhar card with bank account .

After election – The important one is on tour to visit Japan’s minister .

We need another 5 more years to make it work .

Now they’re saying by 2024 they will hold the mountain in one finger . Really …?

The ‘Normal’ Kashmir

NEW DEHLI: A noted Indian journalist, Nirupama Subramanian, has said that the situation in the occupied Kashmir valley is far from being normal.

Nirupama Subramanian, an Indian Express journalist who recently returned from occupied Kashmir shared her experience on Twitter and narrated in a series of tweets how people of Kashmir were angry with the government of India.

Subramanian while disapproving claims made by the Indian media and by Narendra Modi government said, โ€œAt the moment, Kashmir is anything but normal and all assertions to the contrary, whether by officials or media, are from la-la land. True, no violent uprising, but life, even the post-2016 one that people had got used to, is paralysed.โ€

With the arrest and detention of all pro-India politicians, no politicians left in the valley who can sell Delhiโ€™s scheme to the people, said Subramanian after her interaction with the people of Kashmir.

She pointed out that virtually the entire population of the Kashmir valley has now turned anti-India. She added that the people were happy that pro-India politicians had been put in jail. โ€œThey (politicians) feathered their own nests by selling our fate to Delhi. They had it coming,โ€ she quoted the residents of the valley as having said.

According to Subramanian, though private vehicles were seen on the roads, public transport remained shut since August 5 โ€“ the day when Article 370 was made null and void by the BJP government. She said people have imposed โ€œcivil curfewโ€ and efforts to win the heart of the Kashmiri people have become more difficult now.

โ€œItโ€™s surprising how many people believe Indiaโ€™s Kashmir problem is solved. The reality on the ground is entirely different, and once the fog of celebration clears, the challenges may become apparent,โ€ she remarked.

My first professional blog

Well . After one year , here I am . I’ve been learning a lot of things. well I could say that I was a little busy . But my motive and passion for journalism is still there . So I thought instead of looking for jobs I should start my own personal blog or I should re – set my blog to a freelance reporter’s blog . So From now on i will be here to tell and uncover the dark truth behind each and every masks ( I wish I could ๐Ÿ˜„ )

Fallen petal

I left the place to know
If someone would miss me …

All the love and those sweet moments
I left it all behind …
Just to know if someone would miss me ..

But deep inside I buried the truth that
“no one will miss you dear

You’re just another fallen petal..
You watered your thorns to whelve all the sorrow….”

Ielts exam

Well , next Sunday will make some difference in my life or I think like that .. coz I’ve got my speaking test on next Monday . I don’t know if I’m going to do it ok or if I do better I can’t think of any possibilities . All I care about is that day . If i could give my best then i don’t need to wait for the results to come. There may some circumstances but I’m ready to face it.

My last mistake

And here I’m … On the edge of my life .. I’ve lost everyone.everything.. I lost my trust my family , my love and all those things that I thought was real ,but not. I hate me for allowing him to play with my feelings . Two years ago I wrote in this wall about my love and now I’m gonna write it again. I’m gonna spill it everywhere . Now , in this moment I don’t care about any spellings or the mistakes I’m gonna make coz there’s no future left in it, not for me . Well there’s nothing out there to excite me. I’ve seen all the love and hate and I realized the opposite thing of love..it’s not hate it’s the indifference that keeps us away from love. All I did was wrong .. wrong and wrong and wrong… I was about to write a heartbroken poem but look what I did ..some kind of bullshit ..my another mistake or last mistake

I’m looking forward to make some serious decisions . Well in my life everything is pretty serious..ya whatever ,just remember that if someone gives you a flower and tell you a story …Don’t believe them. There’s no such thing as trust. be doubtful to everything and everyone . That’s the only way to live this life happily .

It’s been two days … Well I couldn’t write anything coz I was too busy with my Ielts exam and everything.. whatever , just leave it all behind. I’ve a lot of things to tell..

Wellllll….

Last Monday , i went to my grandma’s . And trust me guys ,It was awesome. I spent a lot of time with my grandpa . He’s in his 70’s . The place is full of forest and mountains . I think some of you may know that place . It became very famous now..well I’m not going to show off that name coz I want to keep it as a secret place ,only for me. Coz the mountains and the grass and everything is Soo beautiful . When I returned I could still feel the warm breezes in my face . The love of nature.. wild flowers and glittering water and you know what this water comes from the top of mountain. A walk through these big trees ๐Ÿ˜ that’s another thing.

Mistakesssssssssss

I was just checking my old posts ,. Only then I realized that ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜I should have done this early . OMG there’s a lot of mistakes . I don’t like re-reading my posts So , when I Finish writing a post , next moment I would post it . I don’t know why, but i dont like reading it again. Anyway , I think I should start doing it .

Learn from your mistakes.๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…

If I knew this before , I would never have fall in love with you. But , now I can’t even find words to describe my pain. You love to see me suffer, right..? You want me to run after you isn’t it ..? I’m a human being I have my own feelings . Love is just one of them .But , but you made me weak. There’s no Love in your eyes, there’s no affection , you need someone to play with you …. ……..

My YouTube story

Today , I happen to watch one you tube video. (Yeah I’m a daily you give viewer) I still have no idea about the reason but I felt so good about it . Whenever I need some motivation , the only one thing I do in my life is that . Watch some motivational videos on YouTube . So far it really helped me a lot . Apart from the long hours of drama and serials , it’s something I would prefer to everyone . We’re ready to put so much effort in yoga, excercises and everything but finding the real happiness and health is in your mind . Watching some motivational stories can help you a lot.

Forest.

I think , one of the best way to get out of this world is to get into the forest. There’s nothing to scare you. but here, in this fuckin world you got one and only most intelligent, dangerous creature to scare you and kill you with their innocence . Their fucking lies , their masked faces will kill you. And you’ll never get to know the real one.